Mr. And :
Now according to legend, it was the year of The Beatles. The year of The Stones. The year after JFK, when our hero, Smokey Lee Webster made a sincere if not totally left field attempt at selling his fantastical opera, "Botso The Magical Mouse". Now some of you might remember this esoteric little gem. It only ran for one day and requires a crane so enormous, even current technology has yet to figure out how it was constructed. But no matter, perseverance was our Smokey Lee's strong point and... And so here he was at the corner of "Bell-Bob" and Madison Avenue sitting around, waiting to find out what the next move was gonna be when all of a sudden he comes across this matchbox. And there he saw in bright green letters an ad. The ad read :
SLIPCODE TECHNOLOGY won't take no for an answer. That's why you're reading us. Our music division is looking for a hip, new Broadway show about a failing writing implement factory that is about to shut down on St. Paddy's Day unless they can come up with a sure, new fire product.
Nopa - nopa - nopa -nope - Bing!
Well, a little bell went off in Smokey Lee's head and he realized he had written a play like that and he should give these guys a call. Well, he called up SLIPCODE and they gave him an appointment. And there he was in the elevator taking it all the way up top the 83rd floor like I said before. And - and the door opens up and Smokey was so excited he tripped in the waiting room, and he toppled over a stack of "Life" magazines and his hair was on fire and he almost broke his inner tooth. And all of a sudden a mysterious voice came out of nowhere and said, "Ah, Mr. Webster I presume". "Sit down and I'll be right with you."
And that's just what Smokey did. He sat down for an hour. Two hours. Three. Maybe three and a half hours passed. He was sittin' there reading "Time", "Life" magazines and just trying to figure out what his next move was gonna be and... All of a sudden he gotta strange buzzing in his head and realized that was the buzzer for him to enter in.
"Hi, I'm Mr. Captain Tank", a shadowy figure said behind an abnormally large sized desk. "I'm in charge of making sure that no good Broadway shows go un-noticed and that all our performers have plenty of air to breathe in every show.” "So what have you got Mr. Webster Lee?"
"Well", Smokey replied, "I'd like to play you the opening theme to my new fantastical Broadway show”. "It's about a pen."
"About a pen!", marveled Mr. Tank. "Prove it!" "Do your worst!"
Mr. And:
Well, Smokey nervously headed toward the broken piano that was cushioned between two over stuffed knitted plumb trees. And he cracked his neck. And he cracked his knuckles. And electricity shouted out of ears. And a vision of Tesla appeared. And the walls came down. And he decided he would sing this fantastic little opening number and it goes a little like this:
A pen - It's green - It writes like an octopus
A pen - It's green - you'll see
A pen - It's green - It writes like an octopus
A pen - It's green - you'll seeeeeeeeeeeee
Now who'd believe a pen could write the color of a frog?
A pen you see, it's interesting, it eats less than your dog (Arf, arf, arf!)
A pen - It's green - It writes like an octafish
A pen - It's green - you'll see
A pen - It's green - It writes like an octafish
A pen - It's green - you'll seeeeeeeeeeeee...
"Marvelous Mr. Smokey Weed!" "Just marvelous!" "I've been looking for a song like that for years!" "That really hit the heart strings.” "It was something I've been looking for, for at least six days now." "Perfect, perfect, perfect", said Mr. Tank.
Mr. And : Well Smokey Lee just sat there and some tears were coming out of his "ass" - out of his eyes - out of his eyes, keep it clean! And he said to him, "do you have any more Mr. Smokey Lee?" And he said, "look you know I'm still trying to write some more fine lines, and some more intricate - cables that are going over each other and - and people who are talking about other things and..." "I just gotta work in the dialog a little bit." "I gotta make the cable cars work together and get the garbage cans dancin'.” "And I almost have the whole thing constructed.” "All I need is a crane.”
"A crane that is so enormous." "So huge." "That's the only thing I need", he said.
Mr. Captain Tank said, "what do you need the crane for boy?"
Smokey Lee said, "You know I need that crane 'cause I have to drop these huge - these huge condoms into the air and see if they explode." "That's the whole key point of the pen." "The pen has nothing to do with anything." "The pen is just a sideline.” "It's not really what the world really needs." "What the world really needs is these condoms." "Condoms, condoms,condoms,condoms, condoms,condoms,condoms!"
"Lots of condoms for little boys and girls everywhere." "Gotta protect the nuns”. "Gotta protect the priests”. "Gotta protect the cable car people." "Gotta protect the electricians." "Everybody needs a condom.” "Ya gotta wear them on your feet." "Ya gotta wear them on your fingers." "It's very good - it's very therapeutic for your finger here - see when you get this swelling?"
Mr. And :
Well, Smokey went on for a half an hour. Meanwhile, Captain Tank had already left and his secretary was under the table, and you know... And then by the time he figured out there was nobody there well, our Smokey Lee finally retreated in disappointment and he went into the elevator and he decided to kill himself and that was it.
credits
from Go Figya,
released September 20, 2014
JT : Vocal, Piano, Extraneous music
Contains the following background music:
"Faux Ray-Ban" by John Tabacco, Gian DiMauro, Nick DiMauro
JT / GD : Programming, ND : Voice
In Adrian Snood’s songs, soulful vocals and slow-moving alt-pop swirl together to create something distinctly moving. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 1, 2023
