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Pick Up The Goddamn Phone, Steve!

from Tabacco & DiMauro Presents Brian Rivera : Tragedy@ Hand by John Tabacco

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Words © 1990 by Nick DiMauro
Music © 1990 by John Tabacco and Nick DiMauro
Published by It Iz What It Iz Music (SESAC)

lyrics

PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE, STEVE!

Bossa Nova type of music plays, occasionally interjected with big
old Robert Palmer rock drums. Underneath this quaint rhythmic
confectionery an old princess phone bell rings insistently. At the
same time, Uncle Charlie (the late William Demherest) from the
1960's classic TV sitcom "MY 3 SONS" is in the bathroom keeping
himself busy. He can't pick up the phone and neither can the late
Fred MacMurray, best known as Steve Douglas, the father of the
household. And so we hear...

PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE, STEVE!
PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE, STEVE!
PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE, STEVE!
COME ON WILL YA? FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!
I FOUND A FORE HEAD IN THE SINK LAST WEEK.
IT LOOKED A LOT LIKE MRS. PINK.
SHE'S ON HER WAY TO ALCATRAZ.
I SAW HER SPILLING HER GUTS AND ALL THAT JAZZ.
COME ON...PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE, STEVE!
JESUS...AH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!


(A twisted version of the theme from the popular 60s sitcom
"My 3 Sons", is played here with utmost confidence by Blufire
guitarist Chris Pati. (Tabacco made him do it.)

CAN'T A MAN MASTURBATE IN PEACE?
CAN’T A FELLOW DO SOMETHIN’ FOR HIMSELF?
CAN’T A FELLA MAKE SPAGHETTI WITHOUT NOISE?
AHH FOR GODS SAKE STEVE! COME ON! FOR GODS SAKE STEVE!
AHH- AHH THE HELL WIT YA... DEAR LORD, MARY, AND JOSEPH WHAT'S A FELLA SUPPOSE TO DO?
AH COME ON STEVE. AHH...AHH COME ON
PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE.
PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE, STEVE!
PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE, STEVE!
NOW WILL YA DO IT?
PICK UP THE GODDAMN PHONE, STEVE!
PLEASE!!! THE RINGING'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!
IT'S GONNA COME OFF THE WALL!
I'M GONNA DRIVE YOU INSANE STEVE.
AHH FOR GODS SAKE !... THAT'S IT. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
HEAR WHAT I'M SAYIN? I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!
I'VE HAD IT! THAT'S IT!
TELL THAT SONOFABITCH CHIP TO GO TO HELL! I DON'T GIVE
A DAMN IF HE CAN GET A DATE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT OR NO!
AH, FOR GODS SAKE STEVE. HOW THE HELL OLD ARE YA?
YA CAN'T FIND A DATE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT?
WHAT ARE YA, FUNNY BOY? YEAH THAT'S IT. SOFT SPOT. AHH, THE HELL WITH YA STEVE! GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM...
YA WHORE!

credits

from Tabacco & DiMauro Presents Brian Rivera : Tragedy@ Hand, released September 13, 2014
ND : Uncle Charlie imitation, Programming
JT : Guitar, Programming
Chris Pati : "My Three Sons" solo

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all rights reserved

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John Tabacco Stony Brook, New York

John Tabacco is a composer, singer-songwriter, producer, recording engineer, and visual artist.

Like an unfolding musical diary / puzzle, Tabacco’s music and art are constantly being re-worked, juxtaposed and intertwined.

For more info : www.johntabacco.net
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