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Playing Jacks In The New House

from E Phant by John Tabacco

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Words and Music © 2012 by John Tabacco
Published by It Iz What It Iz Music (SESAC)

lyrics

PLAYING JACKS IN THE NEW HOUSE

The most interesting aspect about our new house was the florescent purple and green triangular door that hid inconspicuously behind the “Squirt & Dry” in the basement. Dad told us of his surprise and slight suspicion the day he and mom scrutinized the basement framework.
The real estate lady quickly booted them away from this part of the house assuring them that the Swedish built home was as solid as quote un-quote “chrome slippers” ( a phrase I heard Dad cry out in his sleep over a two month period).

Within a week, we were settled in, soaking up the Christmas rays. Mom was spicing up her old style fluffy Duraflame turkey sausages. Dad was carving up his famous holiday soap pipes. Our little yorkie, was chomping on his leather rawhide buffalo, his eyes rolled back in ecstasy, while the sweet muffled holiday sounds of “Itchygoomy” wafted from behind the thin fiberglass curtains. Renda and I were playing a relaxing game of jacks, this time in a spacious basement, floored in speckled black and white shiny tiles. I was in the lead (finally) getting ready to throw the final toss when all of a sudden I choked “gack!” on a Swedish gummy bear. The jack ball went flying hairy canary, almost hitting Renda in the teeth. It ricocheted off the furnace - off the dirty fish tank - off the Henry The Eighth Ladro - smack off the framed signed picture of Pope John Paul (cracked it) before rolling to a complete stop. Weirdly cool. Then as if by magic, the ball slowly levitated an inch off the ground, made an about face and got sucked under the “Squirt & Dry” like the Roadrunner on rocket fuel. Renda and I looked at each other in amazement - eyes a goggle. Then like over zealous chirping eggs we quickly scrambled upstairs to get Dad. Jeez, this was the championship game and neither of us could suppress the fever for victory. We had to get that ball back!

With his massive forearms wrapped around the “Squirt & Dry” Dad wriggled the machine away from the wall delicately ripping apart the complicated spider grids of purple and green. “Strange”, we heard him say. “There’s some kind of triangular door behind here with a rubber handle!” Not giving too much thought of the consequences, he gave a big tug on the handle with his one good Navy hand.

“Bizzzzzzz zizzzzzzztzatttttttttttttttttttttttattttttizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzpopppppppattt!!!”

We all saw stars. Dad’s hair lit up like a 4th of July sparkler on steroids and he let out a ghastly yell (it’s still ringing in my ear). Mom came flying down the stairs and tripped on the jacks, plummeting foot first into Renda’s private area. A thick brownish, silly cloud covered the room. Sausage everywhere - what a nightmare! Somehow, I managed to locate the princess phone and dialed for an ambulance.

Everything is fine now. The doctors think Renda might still be able to bear kids and we both got a 20% discount on our prescription glasses. The lenses are as thick as the bottom of a coke bottle but at least they won’t break if they fall off during one of our marathon jacks tournaments. And mom can almost get out of bed by herself with her new knee replacements although the pain is sometime so excruciating it makes her faint. As for Dad, well he’s up to the letter “T” now! Unfortunately, his hand is a piece of dead meat that I swear glows a “glowy” color and hums every now and then. Meanwhile, the Department of Homeland Security is investigating the real estate firm who sold us the house. And they say our temporary relocation to Plum Island will be a pleasant one with plenty of room for more jacks!

Whatever is behind that purple and green triangular door may always remain a mystery to us. But one thing is for sure - it ain’t nice.

credits

from E Phant, released July 4, 2016
Patricia Amendolia : Reading
JT : Drone

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John Tabacco Stony Brook, New York

John Tabacco is a composer, singer-songwriter, producer, recording engineer, and visual artist.

Like an unfolding musical diary / puzzle, Tabacco’s music and art are constantly being re-worked, juxtaposed and intertwined.

For more info : www.johntabacco.net ... more

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