A HIGH SCHOOL SCIENCE TEACHER is lecturing to her 9th-grade class about erosion. The kids are bored and aren't paying much attention. Finally some girl in the back says, "Who cares what happens to mountains? Mountains are just piles of rocks anyway. What does any of it have to do with us?"
The teacher shakes her head. "Let me tell you a story, kids," she says, and begins:
9th Grade Teacher :
Now once upon a time there was a tall, handsome land form -- we'll call him WILLIE. Now during the 1970s, Willie had experienced his fifteen minutes of fame. As a result of having effectively beat the draft and in the process having vanquished a villain named Studebaker Hoch, who'd been chasing him all over the place from the Antelope Valley to Lost Wages to the Big Apple. Willie had almost had a movie made about his life and exploits.
Rugged Mountainettes :
They call him Willie
Once a big ol' mountain but now just a hill
They call him Willie
Once a big ol' mountain but now just corporate swill
9th Grade Teacher :
He'd even had a big rock group record almost a whole album about him. At one point he'd even been considered for his own show on VH1 -- but he'd been passed over in favor of Dweezil and Ahmet Zappa (too bad).
Willie had once had a wife, a pinyon pine tree growing off his shoulder (Ethyl), but being in show biz, he had long since traded her in for a series of younger, better looking girlfriends -- a bunch of air-headed cottonwoods, flaky birches, and other miscellaneous beeches.
Rugged Mountainettes :
They call him Willie
Once a big ol' mountain but now just a hill
They call him Willie
Once a big ol' mountain but now just a hill
Willie :
I used to be the shit -- brother I was it
Rugged Mountainettes :
Crunching through Las Vegas with his Ethylene contagious
Willie :
We were quite a hit Yeah! -- before we had to split
Willie /Ethyl :
Pulled a few handles, drank a few beers!
- The Meryl Mathews Mountain Dance Organ solo -
Rugged Mountainettes :
They call him Willie
Once a big ol' mountain but now just a hill
They call him Willie
Once a big ol' mountain but now just a hill
They call him Willie
Once a big ol' mountain but now just a hill!
Willie :
That Studebaker Hoch with all his flies was trying to shaft me
So I puffed a bunch of dust at him -- thought that he could draft me
Well never underestimate the power of a mountain
That Peccary was right to ask:
Who is making those new brown clouds?*
(The weight of Willie is calling)
Who is making those new brown clouds?
(The weight of Willie is calling)
Who is making those new brown clouds?
(The weight of Willie is calling)
Who is making those new brown clouds?
(The weight of Willie is calling)
Willie :
Well, it was me, stupid!
9th Grade School Teacher :
Now, unlike his more sedentary pals in the Tehachapi Range of Southern California, Willie was bi-coastal. Yes, he enjoyed traveling -- a rather unusual hobby for a mountain, perhaps, but then, Willie was no ordinary rock pile. People always knew when Willie was going on vacation because wherever he walked, he caused earthquakes!
("It's Not My Fault")
Willie :
I get the urge to kinda walk around
Take a hike and on vacation I go...
But every time I start to shake the ground
Those stupid jerks at Caltech, they wanna slow me down!
‘Cause I'm just a wandering mountain, I don't mean no one harm
I ain't causing earthquakes, it's not my fault!
Yeah, I'm a wandering mountain, don't wanna buy the farm
I ain't makin' trouble, it's not my fault!
It's not my fault, I swear !
I recall in my younger days
Sez-mic acts that nearly devastated L.A.
But now I'm staid, approaching middle age
I don't wanna do no damage, I just wanna get away!
'Cause I'm a wandering mountain, I don't mean no one harm
I ain't causing earthquakes, it's not my fault
Yeah I’m a wandering mountain, don't wanna buy the farm
I ain't hurtin' no one, it's not my fault
Yeah I’m a wandering mountain, I don't mean no one harm
I ain't hurtin’ no one, it's not my fault
It's not my fault!
Why should a mountain have to shoulder all the blame,
because he likes to party now and then?
When San Andreas blows, they always look my way
They finger me, I take the rap, it's always just the same...
(Even if I'm in friggin' New York!)
- Anthony Pomes Avalanche Guitar solo -
Yes I'm a wandering mountain, I don't mean no one harm
I ain't causing earthquakes, it's not my fault
Yeah I’m a wandering mountain, don't wanna buy the farm
I ain't makin’ trouble, it's not my fault
Yeah I'm a wandering mountain, I don't wanna buy the farm
I ain't hurtin’ no one, it's not my fault! It’s not my fault – I swear!
It’s not my fault!
It’s not my fault!!
It’s not my fault!!!
9th Grade Teacher :
On one of his vacations, he went to the Pacific Northwest, where he met a female mountain, a real hot ticket named HELEN. She took one look at Willie and fell madly in love with him! But Willie, being the picturesque sorta stud muffin he was, got bored with Helen, and he started messing around with one of the Grand Tetons. When Helen found out about Willie's little tête-à-tête, she EXPLODED!, killing 60 innocent bystanders and causing untold property damage throughout beautiful Washington state.
("I'm a Hot Headed Gal")
Helen :
I got a flamin' cone
I got a burnin' soul
My heart is made of stone
But there's fire in the hole
I ain't no shaky hill
I ain't the kind to fall
So don't you tell no lies
Or I'll make you crawl
I got some molten lava
Thick and hot as java
Gonna get some on ya
C'mon c'mon c'mon
'Cause I'm a hot headed gal
Doncha know that I'm on fire
Hot headed gal
I'm gonna blow on you
Hot headed gal
I want to take you higher
C'mon c'mon c'mon and let's explode!
My core is heating up
Ain't no time for talk
You're what I'm lookin' for
You’re huge and harder than a rock
C'mon and give it up
I don't want nothin' small
Now don't you mess with me
I wanna take it all
Now don't you be a spastic
I'm feelin' pyroclastic
It's gonna be fantastic
C'mon c'mon c’mon, ‘cause
I'm a hot headed gal
Doncha know that I'm on fire
Hot headed gal
I'm gonna blow all over
Hot headed gal
C'mon and take me higher
C'mon c'mon c'mon and let's explode (Mississippi Queen solo)
You're my kinda guy
Yeah, you’re just standing there
You’re tall, you’re strong and most of all you’re silent
Yeah, that’s what I like…
Willie :
“How would you like to go to a Howard Johnsons?”
Helen :
Humm Humm Humm…
I'm a hot headed gal
Doncha know that I'm on fire
Hot headed gal
I'm gonna blow on you
Hot headed gal
I want to take you higher
C'mon c'mon c'mon and kiss my ash!
I'm a hot headed gal
Doncha know that I'm on fire?
Hot headed gal
I'm gonna blow on you
Hot headed gal
I want to take you higher
C'mon and kiss my ash!- Come on and kiss it -Yeah
I’m gonna blow
Doncha know I’m on fire?
Hot Sister Mountains :
She’s such a hot head!
She is. A hot head
She is such a hot head!
credits
from The Miseducation of Willie The Hill,
released October 29, 2014
JT : Vocals, Programming, Editing
Nigey Lennon : 9th Grade Teacher, Vocals
Recording and mixed at Sonic Underground Studios, Stony Brook, NY
In Adrian Snood’s songs, soulful vocals and slow-moving alt-pop swirl together to create something distinctly moving. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 1, 2023
