9th Grade Teacher :
Most of the time, though, Willie preferred hangin' on the East Coast...at Studio 54. The first time he tried to get in, the bouncer sent him to the back of the line, but Willie soon became the star of Studio 54. He could often be seen creating little temblors as he did the Hustle or the Bump -- a really buff looking guy with his gold chains and ENORMOUS polyester disco pants. (Disco interlude)
Chippendale Gold Diggers :
Yo’ Willie, he's the coolest, hippest mountain on the floor
Disco Willie, he could really bump 'n' grind and rock the core
Yes, he could!
9th Grade Teacher :
Now one night Willie met L. RON HUMP, a real estate mogul. L. Ron owned a LOT of real estate in Manhattan, and he THOUGHT BIG. Willie was the biggest thing he'd ever seen, and L. Ron began to hang out with him, sharing the snow that clung to Willie's upper crags. L. Ron had big plans for Willie. The problem was, Willie took FOREVER to do anything because he was on geological time. But L. Ron was a patient man, and he bided his time.
THE HUMP LEGACY
L. Ron Hump :
Acid rain
Trickling down every single
Windowpane
Rotting away things that people must replace
This corporate swill is always high up there on my list
of reasons to resist change that won't make me money!
Dark green air
Oxygen bars
And I own a great big share in things that were once free to all
Life ain't fair
But only if you're not smart enough to play on people's fears and nimples
Because they're stupid
And I am ruthless!
“Hmm...a mountain makes a nice piece of real estate,
especially one that travels.”
L. Ron’s cronies :
(Soon he'll be debris)
“How could I pass up this opportunity? He seems like the gullible type.”
(Just a pile of scree)
“I can chop him up, flatten him out and sell him to the highest bid.”
(Would you like a snack?)
There's nothing worse than seeing a big bunch of earth that's lying there without a parking lot, condos, nuclear power plants or big stadiums!
Here's the way we play the economics game
Tie a bow 'round garbage dumps and plastic frames
And resell cheap yeah, sell it again
In strip malls with fancy lights
And fast food joints (take a big bite)...
They'll keep you healthy
While I get wealth...-ier
TV Anchorman :
This just in to our CNN newsroom...Obsolete germ bombs found bubbling under a Columbine schoolyard in Colorado...Religious leaders in Chernobyl seen glowing in the dark during Pope John Paul's sermon...
A new breed of frogs with one eye, poisoning the water supply in Niagara... Global warming seen as main cause for freak snowstorm in Hawaii... And there's oil all over the Alaskan shoreline, putting an end to a 30-day strike by the National Association of Baby Seal Killers. More on this after these revelations...
L. Ron :
Bull crap!
It’s TV pap!
THE EARTH IS FINE!
In fact, she's a friend of mine...
Speaking of friends - say, let's see what my Middle East pals are doing. Looks like they might be a bit tight on the black stuff. Prices are pretty high. Can't have those cars that run on water. Say, Willie's probably got some deposits in him. I bet I can slip him a dynamite laxative. That'll loosen him up. I'll bottle his oil and then sell it to the Arabs at half price.
Ah Ha!
Money! I smell money!
I need more money!!
Why not?
This mountain here has all the good things to extend my great career
And keep on :
Pseudo Don Pardo:
"THE HUMP LEGACY"
L. Ron :
It's all good cheer
I'll live on for centuries
Not to fear I've got a stake in everything that's near and dear
Oh Willie my boy I can see you're quite dumb for a mountain
You'll succumb to my plans like all of Mother Nature
L. Ron and his cronies :
I'm here to rape ya!
Ah, what a mountain!
9th Grade Teacher :
Finally, as the '90s were drawing to a close, L. Ron managed to convince Willie that he needed a makeover so he could make it in Hollywood. The first phase of the makeover was to mine Willie's upper reaches, removing all his gold chains. Then L. Ron suggested that Willie should adopt a tougher look, and shave his head -- which meant that Willie had to be clear cut. Next, he suggested that Willie get some body piercings so he could be more trendy. Finally, L. Ron concluded that Willie needed to lose a few pounds and a fleet of bulldozers arrived to begin strip mining!
Now Willie had harbored some secret doubts all along that maybe this wasn't the way to get into the movies. Here he was, a formerly tall, handsome geological formation now horribly foreshortened, his gold chains stolen, his beautiful green hair cut off, big gaping holes in his formerly buff physique. The more he thought about it, the less he liked it. This was no way to make it in Hollywood. Worse, the postcard photographers weren't lining up for photo shoots anymore. Suddenly the awful truth dawned on Willie :
That slimy scoundrel L. Ron Hump had taken him to the cleaners!
WHAT'S BECOME OF ME?
Willie :
Ah, children, can you see what I've become?
Ah, children, I'm a blasted, burnt out bum
I used to be a mountain, got blown to kingdom come
Oh children, I know I ain't the one
Thought that I'd be celebrated, now I know I shoulda waited,
all I am is desecrated now
I give up, children, what's become of me?
I give up, children, I'm just a pile of scree
'Cause I used to be a mountain, but now I'm just debris
I said ah, children, what's become of me?
Ah, children, when will I be free?
Ah, children, can you help me understand?
Here, I ask you, as a land form with no land
I tried to be a hero, but it wasn't in the plan
Ah, children, please don't tell me what I am
I didn't wanna get in trouble, now I'm just a pile of rubble,
reality done burst my bubble now!
I give up, children
What's become of me?
I give up, children
Will you ever see
That I used to be a mountain, and now I'm just debris
I said ah, children, what's become of me?
Ah, children, when will I be free?
Tell me now!
L. Ron Hump :
Isn’t nature wonderful? Hey hey - yeah yeah yeah!
(Rockin’ George Duke type piano solo )
I give up, children, what's become of me?
I give up, children, I'm just a pile of scree
'Cause I used to be a mountain, but now I am a hill
Do I find myself a victim of the usual corporate swill?
Tell me, ah, children, what's become of me?
Ah, children, just a pile of some scree
Ah, children, now I'm just debris
I ask ah, children, when will I be free?
Ah, children, what’s become
What’s become of me?
Ah children, now I’m just debris
Sucks for me!
Yeah!!!!!!!!!
9th Grade School Teacher :
(In the Seismic Debris extravaganza that follows, Willie manages to destroy a great deal of real estate, as well as liberating old pools of poison gas and obsolete germ bombs underlying various former military bases. He also causes an enormous tidal wave which washes over the West Coast, obliterating the entire coastline. And, in a gesture of rough justice, Willie destroys all of L. Ron Hump's real estate holdings. Hump has to move to a trailer in the Mojave Desert, and live out his miserable and abject life riding an old bicycle instead of being chauffeured around in a stretch limo.
And what does that go to show, boys and girls?
It only goes to show that...
A MOUNTAIN IS SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCK WITH!
The Mountainettes :
They call him Willie - Once a big old mountain but now just a hill!
They call him Willie - Once a big old mountain but now just a hill!!
They call him Willie - Once a big old mountain but now just a hill!!!
(Hold chord and quote 6 note “Billy The Mountain” motif )
The End.
credits
from The Miseducation of Willie The Hill,
released October 29, 2014
JT : Vocals, Programming, Editing
Nigey Lennon : Vocals, Dialog
Recording and mixed at Sonic Underground Studios, Stony Brook, NY
In Adrian Snood’s songs, soulful vocals and slow-moving alt-pop swirl together to create something distinctly moving. Bandcamp New & Notable Apr 1, 2023
