In the far reaches of the cosmos, where stars shimmered like diamonds in a clearance bin, an alien race known as the Strawberry Rodeoneons frolicked in their peculiar obsessions: strawberry ice cream and the glorious mediocrity of low budget rodeos. They traversed the galaxy, seeking out the most remote corners where these oddities flourished.
One fateful day, as the Strawberry Rodeoneons gallivanted through the interstellar highways, they stumbled upon a peculiar find: a virus lurking in the depths of the rodeo sewage systems. But this was no ordinary virus, my friend. No, it was a nano-technological marvel, an exquisite creation that replicated the effects of psilocybin mushrooms. Intrigued by the prospects of a mind-altering adventure, the audacious Rodeonians couldn't resist taking a trip down the rabbit hole.
Unbeknownst to these intrepid strawberry enthusiasts, a band of terrorists had formed, hell-bent on policing individuals at rodeos that harbored a deep sexual obsession for Vivian Vance, (the "I Love Lucy" co-star) and the charismatic Cuban leader Fidel Castro. The reasons for their relentless attacks and the ingenious method by which they were able to detect such an individual remained as baffling as a Sudoku puzzle in braille. Regardless, fate conspired to ensnare the unsuspecting Strawberry Rodeoneons in the crossfire of these malevolent forces. Meanwhile, on a distant planet in the constellation of Voobah-Ha, the discordant melodies of Arnold Schoenberg's 12-tone music were being entangled with the saccharine pop tunes of 60's recording artist Bobby Sherman. This bizarre audio concoction was then disseminated quantumley into the PA systems of every molecular transport airport that lay in close proximity of said mentioned low budget rodeos. Ah, but this was no ordinary mash up! No way Chucko! The disparaging music was sped up three octaves, played backward at ultra high decibels and drenched in a wobbly, muted phase effect that would make a deaf bat cringe. It was a transparently eerie cacaphonic symphony, inducing the desire of unsuspecting travelers to moonwalk back and forth from restroom to the refreshment center and then skip erratically in all directions leading nowhere, like a flock of frightened sheep being chased by a crazed, blind, tone-deaf shepherd.
As these convoluted events unfolded across the universe, a discerning observer might begin to glimpse the macabre threads that bound them together, spinning a wicked tapestry of sinister elegance. Enter the Tizzmultiplecheetoes, a shadowy organization as enigmatic as a Rubik's Cube in the dark. They had taken it upon themselves to conduct covert experiments, seeking to manipulate and control advanced civilizations across the galaxy. And who better to serve as their unwitting guinea pigs than the Strawberry Rodeoneons? The addictive psilocybin virus they unleashed upon them induced multiple euphoric moments many of them lasting over 11 hours thus rendering the Rodeoneons as malleable as Silly Putty in the hands of a mischievous child. The terrorist attacks on those who coveted Vivian Vance and Castro served as a ploy, sowing fear and distrust among the rodeo-goers. And the mind-bending convolution of Schoenberg and Bobby Sherman was to say the least - a cruelly twisted psychological weapon, causing vacationers to question their sanity and contemplate the merits of shoving birthday cake candles into both ears.
The Tizzmultiplecheetoes reveled in their grand ambitions, aiming to gain control over as many interplanetary civilizations as they could, just for kicks. Tired of the celestial harmony that had pervaded the galaxy for eons, they sought chaos and discord. But alas, their audacious plan would meet an unexpected adversary.
In a bizarre slice of cosmic irony, a motley crew of “Raisin Bran Scooby Do adventurers”, (fueled by their insatiable appetite for sugary breakfast cereal and 60’s Saturday morning cartoon gathering escapades), unwittingly stumbled upon the diabolical scheme. It happened in the men’s room of the New Brunswick Rodeo Convention Arena. Apparently a worm hole opened up to the Tizzmultiplecheetoes command center. Some Raisin Bran Scoobies accidentally wandered through. What followed is unclear but armed with nothing but quick Johnny Quest thinking, questionable fashion choices, and a touch of dumb luck, they somehow unraveled the organization's intricate plot, leaving it in ruins like a shoddy Jenga tower. Almost immediately, the Strawberry Rodeoneons were freed from their psychedelic prison, cheap rodeos began to operate normally again, the imagined law firm of Vance, Fidel, Schoenberg and Sherman returned to their respective entertainment shelves and the terrorist attacks met their comedic demise.
Thus, the cosmic ballet continues. Mediocre at best with a wink and a smirk among the stars. The Tizzmultiplecheetoes plot…Now a hazy footnote in history…
In other words: Business as usual.
Boring.
credits
from Artificial Tales Of Gleep and Whimsy (Vol. 1),
released November 1, 2023
JT : Programming, Mix
Voice: Sci-Fi Shepard
Recorded and Mixed at Suburban Hermit Studios III, Ronkonkoma, NY
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