Suburban Hermit Musings

by John Tabacco

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about

This CD was created from 2011 - 2012. In this form the tracks were culled from extinct CD "Gaga Over The S.O.P", the old EP "Ephant" and of course "Audio Artifacts For The Dubious Cloud". There is a preponderance of topical lyrics in this collection i.e. The BP oil spill in the Gulf Coast, The Fukushima disaster, Bernie Madoff scandal, the potential dangers of using the "Cloud" etc... Not sure why. I guess these dilemmas were always in my face every time I went on to the internet. Their negative energy was inspiring as well as the encroaching crumbling of my relationship with Susan DeVita. That would be further explored on the next CD "Unfulfilled Shopping Cart Syndrome".

credits

released March 31, 2015

Recorded, Mixed, Edited, and SA3 Mastered by John Tabacco at Suburban Hermit Studios II, Stony Brook, NY

Musical personnel :

JT : Lead vocals, Drums, Bass, Guitar, Programming
Susan DeVita : Vocal
Anthony Pomes : Screaming
Patricia Amendolia : Voice
Steve Briody : Electric guitar
Dave Seigel : Keyboards

CD design : Farben Fosfeen Artwerks

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lx-HNLl9HJM&list=UUq7UDOqXdL6_Zzd6OsmXXYg&index=19

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all rights reserved

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about

John Tabacco Stony Brook, New York

John Tabacco is a composer, singer-songwriter, producer, recording engineer, and visual artist.

Like an unfolding musical diary / puzzle, Tabacco’s music and art are constantly being re-worked, juxtaposed and intertwined.

For more info : www.johntabacco.net
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Track Name: Clam Radio Samba
CLAM RADIO SAMBA

When you're all alone
CLAM RADIO
When you're feeling low
CLAM RADIO
And if the bed bugs bite ya don't despair
Tune in let us excite ya
We still care
Or maybe not - maybe not
Maybe not
That's for you to find out here
Far beneath the ocean sun
So safe and sound
Spinning tunes since 1961
Getting absolutely nothing absotively done!

When you're feeling blue
CLAM RADIO
When ya got nothin' better to do
CLAM RADIO
And if the doldrums strike ya don't despair
Tune in let us ignite ya
We'll be here
Or maybe not
Maybe not
Humm?
Maybe not
That's the beauty of Clam Radio
CLAM RADIO
CLAM RADIO
Can ya dig it
Track Name: Gorgo Twain Has Gone Hawhyin' (Proper)
GORGO TWAIN HAS GONE HAWHIN' (Proper)

Gorgo Twain has gone Ha-why-in
For soiled man's delight - all the chalcid you can eat
There's perfect beads of sleep on Sunday water
There's perfect ashtray take outs by the sea
They have you're special brand of photo's and socks
No need for a watch
Time is not inflicted in the banyan
And best of all they got an existential shower cap eraser guaranteed
To lighten up the load!
Best of all they got an existential shower cap eraser guaranteed
To lighten up the load!

Gorgo Twain has gone Hah-why-in
For a sweet and sour chassis after four
There's perfect jeux to pit against your ego
Depends on where and when you drop the straw
Ahh, breakfast anytime by the poolside cafe!
Exalted soufflés!
While ya buster it about with another cutie
And best of all they got an existential shower cap eraser guaranteed
To lighten up the load!
Toads!
Best of all they got an existential shower cap eraser guaranteed
To lighten up the load!

Dyad, spasm, troll
Arborizing - Arborizing
Dancing on Earth
Nice to have our home here
Gorgo sez that...
Gorgo sez we all should try it once, twice, Christ!

Gorgo Twain has gone Hah-why-in
For soiled man's delight - all the broccoli you can eat
There's perfect beads of sleep on crunchy water
There's perfect ashtray take outs by the sea
Ahh, breakfast anytime by the poolside cafe!
Exalted soufflés!
While ya buster it about with another cutie
And best of all they got an existential shower cap eraser guaranteed
To lighten up the load!
Toads!
And best of all they got an existential shower cap eraser guaranteed
To lighten up the load!
Toads!
best of all they got an existential shower cap eraser guaranteed
To lighten up the load!
To lighten up the load!
Toads!
Track Name: Today's A Holiday
TODAY'S A HOLIDAY

Today's a holiday and rightly so
There's something smellin' good cookin' in the stove
Gather around and sing pan' ally" songs
They'll be no arguments all day long

The weather gal says cloudy skies
Though I think she might be a bit blind
'Cause the laughter in this room
Makes a beautiful vibe and I'm glad I'm alive

Well I don't wanna hear about complaining
Save the rest of the year to do that
This moment is our piece of heaven on Earth
It's time to cool out
It's time to get fat

Yeah I don't wanna hear about complaining
Save the rest of the year to do that
This moment is our piece of heaven on Earth
It's time to chill out
It's time to get fat
It's time to forget the debt that you're at

Light the sparklers on the deck
I know the backyard is an ugly wreck
But for now just let us focus in
On the fun that we share with our next of kin

The weatherman says rainy skies
Though I think he might be a bit blind
'Cause the drops are all on him
It's a beautiful day so I just wanna say

I don't wanna hear about complaining
Save the rest of the year to do that
This moment is our piece of heaven on Earth
It's time to chill out
It's time to get fat

Yeah, I don't wanna hear about complaining
Save the rest of the year to do that
This moment is our piece of heaven on Earth
It's time to chill out
It's time to unlock
It's time to ignore those bills in your box

Today's a holiday
So ease up and ditch the fray
Break out and let the good cheer in
Grab a cold one it's a win win win
Hooray!

Well I don't wanna hear about complaining
Save the rest of the year to do that
This moment is our piece of heaven on Earth
It's time to cool out
It's time to get fat
Track Name: Holy Christ!
HOLY CHRIST

Holy Christ
I'm goofing off and I don't even care
My advice
Do what you want before the end is here

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah is what I'm saying
It's crazy tryin' to sing some sense, when everything I see is one illusion and the real stuff's beyond the fence

I'm not fit enough to jump it
I'm not smart enough to see
The curve is such an unknown function
It makes for a bigger fool than me

Holy Christ
I'm goofing off and I don't even care
My advice
Do what you want before the end is near

Made a bunch of plans but had to break them
for no apparent reason or rhyme
I know it pissed you off but I'm not sorry
Sometimes I like to change my mind

Well, lighten up Francis, you're way to solemn
Can't you see that in the end it's a joke?
Anything goes (anything goes)
Haven't you learned that lesson?
Or maybe you like shoveling smoke

I'm not opposed to burning bridges
No, I'm not opposed to dropping out
I'm not opposed to lying sideways
And serving you a five course meal of doubt
A five course meal of doubt

(Club Algeria's sister solo)

Holy Christ
I'm goofing off and I don't even care
My advice
Leave all your worries to the billionaires

A cloud knows all my social secrets
A cloud owns this stupid song
My life is just a clouded fragment of what I was
Once when I was very young

Well, Holy Christ
I'm goofing off and I don't even care
My advice
Do what you want before the end is here
Holy Christ
Unwrap your dreams and let them in the air
Don't think twice
Sell off your crypt and pawn you're souvenirs
Track Name: Last Song
LAST SONG

Did you hear about the singer who was sent to death row 


For doing some heinous crimes


After all the appeals and stays were denied


The time did finally arrive



Well they came to his cell and said
“Now what would you like for your last meal?”


He said “Never mind the food." "Just bring me a mic 

and a keyboard."
"Preferably real

."

He said, “This is my chance to blow you away”.
Why suddenly I feel inspired


You know I’m at my best when I am under the gun


I can feel my mojo rising


I don’t know why my life went wrong


But I repent and condemn my past


If I could go back and do it again

, this song would not be my last 



The last song
The last words I wanna sing have nothing to do with my baby
The last song
The last words don't mean a thing
I’m just buying time
They say that miracles can happen
Ah, well ya never know
So hand me a microphone!

(Please. I'll even do a little soft shoe for ya.
Check out my technique. It's so, it's so techneeky)

Well he’d been ripped off for years
He’d been lied to his face
Promises never transpired
He said, “They got what was comin’."
As his hands hit a chord
“If only they’d listen for hire!”

Well, the prison guards were duly impressed but not enough to set him free
They said, “Son sing your song – be quick – move along."
"'Cause we’re getting tired and it’s time to eat."

(We're all hungry!)

The last song
The last words I wanna sing have nothing to do with my baby
The last song
The last words don’t mean a thing
I’m just buying time
They say that miracles can happen
Hey, well never know

(No, wait could you just, could you just bring up the keyboard just a little bit?
Yeah, yeah, that good.)

The last song
The last words I wanna sing have nothing to do with my baby
The last song
The last words don’t mean a thing
I’m just buying time
They say that miracles can happen
Yeah, ya never know
So hand me a microphone!

The bailiff : All rise.

The music world’s a heartbreak kid the judge was heard to say
But that’s no excuse for killing kid
as his gavel made it’s way to his sound block
You’re crimes may be forgiven son in the after life
Ah but here you’ll get the chair and we’re taking all your publishing!

Miracles can happen!

( Hey, ya never...Hum... Ah, could I have a little bit more "ME" in the monitor?
Ah, yeah, thank you.)

The last song
The last words I wanna sing have nothing to do with my baby
The last song
The last words don’t mean a thing
I’m just buying time
They say that miracles can happen
Christ, ya never know
So hand me a microphone!

Yes Sir!
Track Name: The Sound Of Possibilities
SOUND OF POSSIBILITIES

The jury is out, you’ve got to let it go
Stop hurting yourself
There's something you should know
I pray that a change comes your way
Once you were creative but you seem to have strayed
The static you feel is a lie
Listen very closely can you hear them inside

It's the sound of possibilities
They’re everywhere and waiting
The sounds of possibilities are there
The sound of possibilities present themselves so willing
When you allow yourself to be in the zone
When you allow yourself to come back home

A mind that is clear – like a piece of cherry pie
Gets right to the point
You know you can't deny the beauty of oneness in tune
Sharing ideas locking in and out of a groove
Cynics will come and will go
But you don’t have to listen when they tell you the answer is NO!

'Cause the sounds of possibilities – they’re everywhere and waiting
The sounds of possibilities are there

The sound of possibilities – present themselves so willing
When you allow yourself to be in the zone
When you allow yourself to come back home

The sounds of possibilities swirling in infinities messing up the Trinity's hair
Pumpin' up variety
Pissing off mortality when the will to live isn't there

The sounds block out all those obstacles trying hard to keep me down
They always fuel my motor just before I hit the ground

The sound of possibilities they're everywhere and waiting
The sounds of possibilities are there
The sound of possibilities present themselves so willing
When you allow yourself to be in the zone
When you allow yourself to come back home
When you allow yourself to come back home
When you allow yourself to come back home
When you allow yourself to come back home
When you allow yourself to come back home
Track Name: We Won't Take Your Crap
WE WON'T TAKE YOUR CRAP

We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame

What gives you the right to inflict your dumb beliefs on us
Without a fact in sight
Do you feel some kind of relief from us
To think we'll cower down
Well, you got another coming to ya
Next time you're in town we're gonna kick your ass!

We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame

We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame

Most of us we get along - we work together fair
Then you come in and wreck the joint without a bit of care
When the bubble bursts and the oil flows you're first to run away
Well screw you distant traveler it's time that you should pay

We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame

We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame

Some other factions may be fooled by your elegance and style
But underneath your velvet words - a viper with a smile
Flawed by ego, arrogance, super pride and greed
You need a change of attitude
That's what we know you need

We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame
We don't need your speech
We don't need your voice
We don't need you telling us that we haven't got a choice!

We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame

So many times you've lied you don't know when you are lying
You fooled yourself in thinking you're a God
But all your house of cards are burning
All your covers have been blown
Stripped of all your thieves
Now the emperor has no clothes!

We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame
We don't need your speech
We don't need your voice
We don't need you telling us
That we haven't got a choice!

We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame
We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame
We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame
We won't take ya crap
We won't play yer game
We won't wait and let it slide
While you shrug off the blame
No. No. No!
Track Name: A Romance With Radiation
A ROMANCE WITH RADIATION

Radiation
Cripples a nation
A nation
A nation

Fuel rods broken
Leaking
Smokin'
Melting downnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.....
Ouch...

Toxic levels in the water
In the food

Have a nice day...
Track Name: Sugar Is The Devil
SUGAR IS THE DEVIL

Sugar is the devil
Sugar is the devil

Gets you hooked, rots your teeth, skin breaks out, gets you fat
Makes diabetes 2 your best friend and your arteries to clog and you’ll die from the sweetest heart attack yet.
Track Name: Song About Peter Kearns
PETER KEARNS

And he doesn’t drink Chinese tea.

Peter Kearns!
Peter Kearns!

Hide the Twinkies, here he comes.

Peter Kearns!

Saw him at the Chelsea out on the balcony
Opening a bottle with the Statue of Liberty.
Had a little sip, talked a little history.

Peter Kearns!

And he lives at the bottom of the world.

Peter Kearns!

With Michelle as his kiwi girl

Not enough horror- Take him down to Amity.
Coffee in the car – with a Grand Pa Simpson entity
Snap a few pictures- he’s a bigger mystery.

Peter Kearns!

Grand Pa Simpson: "Just leave me in the car with window opened a crack!"


When the Earth shakes his Mac is on the floor
But this doesn’t seem to phase him anymore
He just picks it up and writes another score

Peter Kearns!

Peter Kearns!

And he really knows all his chords.
With a golden voice you can’t ignore

Peter Kearns!

Peter Kearns!

Landed at the airport - sign said "Dalai Lama"
Never really met, but no sign of any drama
65 pocketbooks filled with good karma

Peter Kearns!

Peter Kearns!

And he doesn’t drink Chinese tea!

Grand Pa Simpson: "Ahh, kill it! Kill it!"
Track Name: A Lemon Whirl, Please?
A LEMON WHIRL, PLEASE?

Chinese tea
That's fine with me
Chinese tea
Seriously

Father Flash : And I'll have a Lemon Whirl to go

Margret Inthrax : What? Did you say Lemon Whirl?

Father Flash : That's right - a Lemon Whirl!
I don't get it this doesn't sound Chinese to me at all!

Margret Inthrax : A Strawberry Louise Sandwich?

Father Flash : No, it says Lemon Whirl right here on the menu!

Margret Inthrax : Sorry we don't have it.

What do you mean you don't have it? I spend a lot money here. C'mon!
Track Name: You Take Me For Granted
YOU TAKE ME FOR GRANTED

You take me for granted every time I’m by your side
You take me for granted it’s a fact I can’t deny
Your big idea of romance is to hold me tight and sneeze
You take me for granted and all I try to do is please…

Margret Inthrax : We all know the Bi-polar bear wears it's sealed moccasins in a snowstorm to sneak up on it's mate
But did you know the next closest thing to pulsating salmon attack is the dome button on a Milton Bradley "Trouble" game board?

JT : Borax!

Margret Inthrax : Bore-ass? Who said anything about Bore-ass?

(sneeze)

Although I have no fear of losing what I hold so dear
You make me second guess the reason for our togetherness

(What's the reason?)

Yeah, you take me for granted
Why do I deserve such luck?
Ugghh...

Margret Inthrax : I'm going out to buy some reptile dysfunction curtains.
Can get you anything to loosen up your pair of Easter hamburgers?

JT+ GD : I can't hold it!
Track Name: If I Had A Dollar (The Cliché Song)
IF I HAD A DOLLAR

I’m not a stool
I’m just a stealthy guy
I play the game by myself
You think I got it made
Somebody tips ya
and you’re on your way with a gun in hand tryin’ to track me down
I know your subtle breath
Your shrouded scent of evil
And how you cast all those spells every night

Fans think you’ve got it down they think you’re golden
But if they knew your true agenda you’d be tarred
Every promise in you only leaves a scar

If I had a dollar for every time you lied
I’d be the toast of the town
If I had a dollar for every time you lied
I’d be a rich man

Off to buy “loss bagels”
I’m not cool
I’m just a quiet guy
There isn’t much I have to say
I got my little world the simple things that get me
through the day and you’re not welcome anymore
I don’t care I broke the lock and changed the door

If I had a dollar for every time you lied I’d be the toast of the town
If I had a dollar for every time you lied I’d be a rich man
Off to buy “loss bagels”
Now how can a fool still love you when this fool is certain the love’s lie?
Is the fire that’s reigning down on the pilot there to taunt the flame from dying inside?
Twisted emotions point to suicide
Oh beat me!

If I had a dollar for every time you lied I’d be the toast of the town
If I had a dollar for every time you lied I’d be a rich man - yeah...
If I had a dollar for every time you lied I’d be a rich man
I’d be a bitch King

Where are the changes?

Cold.
Track Name: Take Me Home
TAKE ME HOME

Take me home
If you're willing to cross that line
Take me home
I can show you a real good time

Well, I was walking down that street the other day
When I heard her pull up from behind
She tossed a glance my way and gave me the "OK"
To make some small talk dialog
She said so discreetly, "You need to beat me!"

Take me home
If you're willing to cross that line
Take me home
If by destiny or design
Take me home
I'm willing to face my crime
Take me home
If you don't I may lose my mind

Well, I was startled by the looseness of her lips
I couldn't think of what to say
Then the maid came in and brought me back to Earth
Was this a dream or just a game?
She said so discreetly, "You need to beat me!"

Take me home
If you're willing to cross that line
Take me home
I can show you a real good time
Take me home
If you're willing to cross that line
Take me home
If by destiny or design
Yeah, by destiny or design

What was this abject misery?
What was this abject misery?
What was this abject misery?
What was this abject misery?
Track Name: Don't Chew Your Feet
DON'T CHEW YOUR FEET

Don't Chew Your Feet
These are words that I heard her sing to me
Don't Chew Your Feet
And she sang it in three part harmony
Don't Chew Your Feet
There is nothing worse than feet without some wine
Don't Chew Your Feet
Even worse is when you're walkin' over time
Don't Chew Your Feet
These are words that heard her sing to me
Don't Chew Your Feet
And she sang it in three part harmony
Don't Chew Your Feet
There is nothing worse than feet without some wine
Don't Chew Your Feet
Even worse is when you're walkin' over time

Don't Chew Your Feet
These are words that I heard her sing to me
Don't Chew Your Feet
And she sang it in three part harmony
Don't Chew Your Feet
"Cause there is nothing worse than feet without some wine
Don't Chew Your Feet
Even worse is when you're walkin' over time

Don't Chew Your Feet
These are words that I heard her sing to me
Don't Chew Your Feet
And she sang it in three part harmony
Don't Chew Your Feet
"Cause there is nothing worse than feet without some wine
Don't Chew Your Feet
Even worse is when you're walkin' over time
Track Name: My Baby's Full Of Troubles
MY BABY'S FULL OF TROUBLES

Standin' on the corner in Hawley with a boner
I was waiting for my honey to land
Up come her GEO that was nosier than Rio
With the smell of exhaust in the air
She said, "Don't ya even ask!"
"My Ex is an ass!"
"He won't pay me any time soon."
"And I got me this toothache that feels like an earthquake."
"It's sending me straight to the moon!"

Well, my baby's full of troubles but at night they go away
She makes me seeing double with her sexy lingerie

Screamin' from the ledge with her brother on the edge
There were turkeys and fire on the lawn
Nothing but the sound of the XBOX going down like a nuclear war at dawn
Cats everywhere just rolling in our hair and an ant or two in my shoe
And it's taken every ounce of my sanity just to bounce from a comfortable home to this zoo

Well, my baby's full of troubles but at night they go away
She makes me seeing double with her sexy lingerie
Yeah, my baby's full of troubles but at night they go away - Hey!

(Yeah, they go away alright)

There's a bear outside and the toilet don't flush
And the sink won't drain when I shave
The smell of the litter box next to the bath is sending me straight to my grave
It's a tree house in the woods with a shag rug that would look normal back in '76
Before they warned us about all those lime disease cases
caused by those deer fed ticks!

Well, my baby's full of troubles but at night they go away
She makes me seeing double with her sexy lingerie
Yeah, my baby's full of troubles but at night they go away
She makes me seeing double when she lose that negligee
And I got not nothing' left to say!
Track Name: Goodbye Blue Monday
GOODBYE BLUE MONDAY

SD: One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock... Pew-cock!

JT : Do you wanna love me? Do wanna love me till the end of the world?
Do you wanna love me? Do wanna love me till the end of the world?
Do you wanna love me? Do wanna love me till the end of the world?
Till the end of the world
Do you wanna love me?
Are you gonna love me?
Do you really love me?
Till the end of the world...

Goodbye blue Monday
Say goodbye to me and Kilgore Trout

Goodbye blue Monday
Time to give you up and spit you out

Out!
Goodbye!

Make me young
Make me young

"Step out of the triangle into striped light!"

The man was not insane

Erase the slate and start all over again

Vic Caroleo : What'll that be if ya gonna speak like this pops?


Goodbye Blue Monday
Goodbye to you
Goodbye Blue Monday and all your psycho friends

Opera lady : Come on a give da not day
Come on and give the not day!"
Come on a give da not day, there's a maid on fire
Promise
Holy crap!

VC : What'll that be?
Track Name: This Fool's Illusion
THIS FOOL'S ILLUSION

Did you know that Jesus loves you?
That's what the Bible declares
They say he'll light besides you in times of dark despair
Well he may be a comfort
When you're almost out of moves
But should he fail to show up
You know where to find me

But will I always be there
That's something I don't know
Will I always love you
After it's time to go
Does loving you have a reason
Or is it chemicals gone wild
Should I drop the pretense, top it with a smile
And say what I feel
It's all an illusion

Well I don't want to fool you
I've got better things to do with my life
I don't want to hurt you
You've been hurt before and you followed the signs
I don't want to wake you
You could use the sleep to dream of a time
When everything was cool

Find the good in others
That's what I heard you say
And you'll find the good within yourself
And things will be ok
Well, maybe this is wisdom I have yet to master down
So I will take my selfish motives and go home
And live out this life
This fool's illusion
This fool's illusion
This fool's illusion
Track Name: Hate - Integrated Mess
HATE / INTEGRATED MESS

Hate is knowing things can upset you
Hate is holding up what has left you
Hate is all that love can be
When love decides to set you free

Hate is when the drums just ignore you
Hate is when your life starts to bore you
Hate remands a frozen child waiting for the warmth of love to hold it

Integrated mess upon a falling tree
It is here upon I stress just what has became of me
Long ago like yesterday I didn't have a care
My time of loafing and having fun made me more aware
All the while life seemed so good not a thing could cause distress
Had I realized where I stood :
Integrated mess!
Track Name: Hanging By A Thread
HANGING BY A THREAD

We're all hanging by a thread
But still we weave our lives together
Though some day we will be dead
Some believe there's something better
So we fill the closet with campaigns
Of pointless dogma and refrains
That laugh at us each time the closet opens
But we can take a pill for that

We're all hanging by a thread
But still we weave our lives together
Though some day we will be dead
Some believe there's something better

So we go on and make our plans
In the scheme of things and then
We tend to worry about the future till it's over
And all that wasted time was spent
For something we could not prevent
But pretty soon we will invent a pill for that

Doesn't really matter when you take a vow
To live your life and see it through
The nature of the universe is moving onward
Within and without you
This I'm told is truth

We're all hanging by a thread
But still we weave our lives together
Though some day we will be dead
Some believe there's something better
So we go on and entertain
Paint the closet
Hide the stain
Just ignore the pain
Keep the closet bolted
That's why we have a pill for that!

Well we're hanging by a thread
Yeah, we're hanging by a thread
We're so we're hanging by a thread
And pretty soon our lives are over
But does it mean it's the end?

Hanging by a thread
Hanging by a thread
Hanging by a thread
Hanging by a thread
Track Name: Drain Pipe Card Connectors
THE DRAIN PIPE CARD CONNECTORS

In the land of Wasselette there were the drainpipe card connectors.
They lay buried in the recesses of the subconscious beneath lamppost and grime.
And with the stealth of a Jesus, quiet like cotton pins on a rooftop,
they connected holy water with slime.

An old priest in the land had succumbed to a deep existential sadness caused by the death of his own flawed philosophy. His suffering was immense. And one afternoon he gathered up his scruples and ventured off towards the token ivory cliffs to have a talk with his maker.

“Please help!”, he cried but only his faint echo lamented.
“Please help!”, he cried louder but this time his echo was overtaken by the a-rhythmic chirping of a lone cricket.
Then once more, “Please help!”. Silence…

And just as he was about to take his final leap into the unknown a sudden itch fell upon his right foot begging for a scratch. He involuntarily obliged and as he bent down he spotted a curious drain pipe card. It appeared seemingly out of nowhere.
Then another appeared. Then another and another, forming a path along the edge of the cliff.
The priest, mesmerized, followed the curious trail of cards with a vigor and determination he had not experienced since puberty. This went on for forty days and forty nights eventually leading him to an old “Chinese replacement warehouse” where he was suspiciously welcomed with open arms. He stayed in that warehouse for the next 11 years, happily fathering several beautiful faucets and an elbow neck.

After which he was never heard from again.

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